I understand how you feel. An awkward silence filled the air. Your date made a comment that was somewhere between “aggressive” and “crazy”. Or maybe the food is cold, the playlist is terrible, and you’re just counting down the seconds until you can escape.
We’ve all been there. High school, college and now. It happens.
The Washington Post recently reported that online communities like ABadCaseoftheDates.com and BadOnlineDates.com are booming. People are no longer just suffering in silence. They are sharing horror stories to tell. Because frankly, it has become a common experience.
Why Dates Go Off the Rails
Sometimes it’s external. Car breakdown. A sudden snowstorm. The restaurant closed early. You can’t control the weather or the chef’s mood.
But more often? It’s internal.
There is no spark. The conversation felt like pulling teeth. Your date was rude. They’re obnoxious. They make mean comments.
Professional matchmaker and Huffington Post columnist Samantha Daniels says it best.
“If you really love someone, it’s easy to forgive a lot of their bad behavior. But you should always remember to love yourself more than you love [your date].”
This is the hardest part. First dates often feel like a job interview. You’re trying to sell yourself. When the mood is gone, it’s hard to remember your value.
Use humor to save your worst dates
So what do you do? Do you just sit there? Are you running away?
Humor can be your best friend. It breaks the tension. This shows that you don’t panic easily.
If your date says something weird, laugh it off. It’s not a nervous laugh. A genuine, “Wow, that’s a new perspective.” It deflects. It keeps you in control.
But even humor has its limits. If the behavior is mean-spirited, no amount of wit will fix it. You have to know when to walk away.
The goal isn’t to save the date. It’s to save your sanity.
When Wit Is the Best Defense
I had enough dates to understand the practice. Sometimes there is no spark. Sometimes the atmosphere disappears. But rarely do you want to sit in silence and stew. Laughter acts as a pressure valve. It can break the tension. This shows that you are confident enough not to take things too seriously.
But timing is everything. You can’t joke out of it.
Cell phone hell and digital distractions
Let’s be honest. Cell phones are everywhere. They are in your pocket. on the table. I have it in my hand. It’s rude to have your date constantly looking at the screen. It’s also a golden opportunity for a light jab.
Is it a work emergency? perhaps. Are you bored? perhaps.
Either way, just staring isn’t enough. Don’t check your own phone in retaliation. That’s petty. Instead, let’s break the ice. Make a comment about how popular they must be to get so many notifications. “You’re trying so hard to ignore me,” you might say with a laugh. If that doesn’t work, escalate gently. Ask if they and their device would like to get a room. This is stupid. This is outrageous. But it breaks the trance.
If they don’t put the phone down, move on. Humor also has its limits.
Silence is not golden
Dead air is embarrassing. Silence does not represent deep connection. This is usually a sign of a bad chemical reaction or poor preparation.
If you find yourself staring at each other, don’t panic. Prepare a lifeline. Comedians use stock lines. You can too.
If the conversation stops, try the following:
- “Is this on?”
- “Am I clear?”
- “We need a crash cart … stat.”
It’s playful. It acknowledges the awkwardness without making it too heavy.
If you don’t get the joke, go to the questions. Genuine. Not small talk about the weather.
- What was the last book you really liked?
- If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would win?
- Who did you meet at your first concert?
These prompts compel people to participate. They require answers. They reveal personality.
Still stuck? Change your environment. Stay away from the rigid dining table. Go somewhere with activity. Bowling. Miniature golf. A walk in the park. Shared tasks reduce the pressure to perform conversationally.
The trap of oversharing
It’s not all fun. Some are unpleasant.
The mood changes when your date starts hanging out the dirty laundry. Are you talking about a nasty disease? No, nonsense about bad ex-lovers? Not really. Discussing salary disparities or financial woes too soon? It kills the romance.
Redirect immediately. Don’t let the conversation sink into the weeds.
Ask about positive things. What is going well in their lives? What are they excited about? Pull them back to lighthearted territory. This is a soft reset.
When Humor Fails: The Hard Truths
Laughter alone doesn’t solve everything. Some behaviors are red flags. Some interactions are toxic.
Defensive Tackle and Political Minefields
Politics. religion. Sports. These are mines. You might not even know they’re there until you step on them.
If you accidentally violate your date’s core beliefs, don’t overdo it. Don’t try to win the argument.
Bill Marken, author of How to Fix (Just) Everything, offers a simple solution. It means “to apologize”. Drop the topic. move forward.
If you have offended them, admit it now. Then move to a neutral position. pet. pop culture. travel. Where opinions are more moderate. If you’re still angry, the date may end. No amount of wisdom can quell true anger.
Be careful in your ways
Table manners are important. Loud behavior can be harmful. It is unforgivable to disrespect a waiter.
If your date is rude or loud, lead by example. Be polite. Keep calm. Quiet.
If they don’t get the hint, suggest that they speak more quietly. Please proceed with caution. Say it softly. Don’t make a fuss. You don’t want to embarrass them further. I just want you to stop bothering the people around you.
If they are still rude, leave. No need to explain why. Let’s go.
From happy times to unhappy times
Alcohol lowers inhibitions. This also increases the risk.
If your date is constantly ordering food, intervene. Water is recommended. Suggest non-alcoholic options. If they refuse, ask the waiter to intervene. Let’s call a professional.
Never drive if your date has been drinking. This is not negotiable. I’ll call a taxi. Call a friend. walk. Whatever you need.
If you are someone who goes through too much, admit it. Please stop drinking. If you were careless, apologize. Get out now. Don’t try to hide it. This is obvious. Everyone saw it.
Emergency exit
In some cases, it may not be possible to fix it.
The date is incorrect. Terribly sensitive. Annoying. It’s just…wrong.
A graceful exit is essential.
Pretend there’s a crisis at work. He complained of a sudden migraine. Come up with a food poisoning scenario. This is not ideal. It’s not the most honest thing to do. But it’s better than staying and suffering.
Alternatively, you can use a backup plan. Ask your friend to text you at a certain time. When the phone rings, look at it worriedly. “Oh no. I have to go. It’s urgent.”
This is a classic move. it works. It can get you out of Dodge.
Are you rude? perhaps. Is that better than wasting two hours of your life? Really.
The goal is safety. The goal is peace. Sometimes humor helps. Sometimes politeness helps. Sometimes you just have to walk away.
it doesn’t matter.
