Grandparents play a vital role in family life, often offering love, support, and cherished memories. However, even well-intentioned words can sometimes have unintended consequences, especially when it comes to a child’s self-esteem and trust. Experts in child psychology have identified several common phrases grandparents should avoid to foster a healthy and secure relationship with their grandchildren.
Undermining Parental Authority: “Don’t Tell Your Parents…”
Encouraging secrecy between a grandparent and grandchild – whether about extra treats or extended bedtime – harms the parent-child relationship. This behavior undermines trust in parental rules and can lead to long-term consequences. More dangerously, it teaches children that hiding information is acceptable, which could be exploited in harmful situations. Instead, reinforce honesty and respect for parental boundaries.
Body Image and Self-Esteem: “You’re Getting So Big! Have You Put on Weight?”
Comments about a child’s weight or physical appearance, even seemingly casual ones, can inflict lasting damage on their body image and self-worth. Pediatric psychologists emphasize that such remarks contribute to insecurity and eating disorders. Avoid comparisons (“You’re so much taller than your brother now!”) and focus instead on genuine, positive interactions. Open-ended questions about interests and activities are far more constructive.
Food Shaming: “Wow, You Ate More Than I Did!”
Commenting on a child’s eating habits – whether praising or criticizing – disrupts their natural hunger cues and can lead to unhealthy relationships with food. Children need to learn to listen to their bodies without external judgment. Model healthy eating by demonstrating mindful consumption yourself.
Entitlement and Gratitude: “You’re So Spoiled.”
Labeling a child as “spoiled” rarely addresses the root cause of their behavior. More often, this stems from inconsistent parenting or learned patterns. Rather than blame the child, address the situation with their parents or simply refrain from judgment.
Violating Boundaries: “You Better Come Over Here and Give Me a Hug or a Kiss!”
Forcing affection on a child violates their personal boundaries and teaches them to ignore their own comfort levels. Instead, ask for consent (“I’d love to give you a hug. Is that OK?”) and respect their answer, even if it’s “no.” This reinforces the importance of bodily autonomy and healthy boundaries.
Disrespecting Parenting Choices: “Your Parents Are Wrong About…”
Parenting styles evolve, and grandparents may disagree with current approaches. However, publicly criticizing a child’s parents undermines their authority and creates conflict. Unless there is genuine concern for the child’s safety, keep opinions to yourself and address issues directly with the parents.
Ultimately, fostering a loving and supportive relationship with grandchildren requires mindful communication. By avoiding these toxic phrases and prioritizing respect for boundaries, grandparents can contribute positively to their grandchildren’s emotional well-being and secure their place as trusted and cherished figures in their lives.
